Alcoholism becomes apparent when it creates health problems, hurts relationships or interferes with one's work, family or school life. Those closest to an alcoholic are often the last to acknowledge the existence of alcoholism. Perhaps it's because it can occur gradually or because those involved are in denial.
What to know — Learn the stages of dependency how alcohol poisons the body, eventually damaging the heart, liver, brain and other organs … how it distorts thinking and fosters denial … how it can become a family disease that requires a family remedy.
What to say — Try to use "I" phrases like I'm worried, this is bothering me because I care. I know there's help available and I want you to do something. The alcoholic may get angry but should recognize your words as evidence that you care.
What to do — Be part of the solution. That means changing what you are doing, not what the alcoholic is doing — by refusing to condone the alcoholic behavior, by focusing on your needs and by getting help. Specifically …
- Stop drinking with the alcoholic. It supports the addiction.
- Stop rescuing the alcoholic and making excuses to family, friends and coworkers. This is denial.
- Stop feeling sorry for the alcoholic. Sorry doesn't solve problems.
- Don't assume the drinking is caused by stress, job worries, personality traits or you. Problems don't make alcoholics — alcohol makes problems.
- Don't let the person's drinking dominate your life or cause you shame or isolation.
- Don't feel guilt about leaving the situation if the alcoholic becomes abusive or won't get help.
Alcoholics do better with treatment before they've lost everything — job, relationships, health — so don't delay action and don't do it alone. Seek guidance from your health care provider, a professional counselor or your workplace assistance program.
Even if your loved one won't get help, you can.